


Death Would Be Kinder

by Fadedmon2



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anger, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, At least Levellan gets a happy ending, Elgar'nan is an ass, F/M, Heavy Angst, Lots Of Sad, Some Spoilers, but so is Fen'harel, lots of pain, vengeance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 16:59:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6762439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fadedmon2/pseuds/Fadedmon2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fen'harel has torn down the Veil and is going to wake up the Pantheon. Enter Elgar'nan-none too happy, but armed with a delicious revenge. *evil laugh</p>
<p>Or in other words: Solas is an evil ass and this is my way of making him pay for hurting my Levellan. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Slowly he approached the Eluvian. The golden branches snaked around the smooth glass, like a snake taking prey. He swallowed a lump in his throat and tapped into his magic. He had waited so long for this moment, the moment of truth, and possibly his end. He had given up so much and lost so much more, just for this moment. He wiped a nervous hand across the beads of sweat forming on his brow. All moisture had disappeared from his throat, he coughed at the uncomfortable feeling. His heart raced, and he felt a now familiar twang of pain there. He had given up everything for this moment. She danced in his mind like a specter haunting him. He had given her up for this moment. His heart lurched and ached, his inner battle a constant now. The moment of truth had finally arrived, he reeled at the thought of what was to come. They would surely kill him, and he deserved it. Death would be kinder. She was always in his thoughts now. He could not sleep peacefully, because she would shake the Fade with her sorrow. Even here in this place of Peace, she beckoned to him in her sobs. His heart wretched and he felt her pain. Bound to her for an eternity, when her mortal flesh was long cold he would be bound to her spirit. As her despair grows, he fears she will be twisted into something horrible, no longer a Spirit of Hope. He shakes his head at the glimpse into her future. One more thing he has stolen from her. He was truly a monster, but he had given up everything for this moment.  
“Fen’harel enansal” the glass cracked and fizzed. A bright light engulfed the smooth surface and then turned to liquid veil fire. He waited, hoping that his death would be quick. Death would be kinder. He waited and hoped, just as she did. Her words ringing in her ears now.  
“And when you finally do succeed, what then? Do you honestly believe they will let you live? How can you chose death over m- over everything?”  
“I deserve death vhenan. Ir abablas. You will never understand.”  
“Help Me! Let me in! Stop pushing me away! One day you will push far enough and I won’t come back.” he saw the memory of her tear soaked face and he begged for death. Death would be kinder.  
Methodically he removed the armor he had called home for a century now. He placed the golden metal on the ground and sat. He closed his eyes tight and tried to clear his mind. She raced through it like a halla being hunted. He pushed her from his thoughts, but the more he pushed, the more his heart would wretch, and the more she pushed back. He deserved this pain, he had earned it. He was drifting into the Fade when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He shuddered, then opened his eyes to the All Father.  
“Elgar’nan.” the name felt like fire on his lips  
“Fen’harel. Time has changed you child. Your heart is heavy. You ache. Your sorrow awoke me a century ago. I have watched you young wolf. I was furious at first, then I watched you reel. I watched your pain echo through the realms. The Dreadwolf has learned to love. But like the fool you are child, you have thrown love away. My love for you was blinded by vengeance, but time makes us wiser. You long for something lost to you forever, for your own foolish Pride.”  
He listens. He has earned this. He has waited so long for this moment. He has given up so much for this moment. Death would be kinder.  
“And what is to be my sentence father?” he chokes out  
“Stand child. Or has the mighty Fen’harel lost his Pride?”  
He stands as tall as his aching soul will let him. He is so tired of fighting her. He is weak of heart, she has damaged his soul.  
“I am still Fen’harel, Father.”  
“No. You are a shell of Fen’harel. Your Pride long ago chased away by Sorrow and Loss. I know what you had planned pup. You will not be permitted to see such a feat culminate. As time has made us wiser, I do not seek to destroy you Dreadwolf. You have done that to yourself. Instead my child, you will watch. Her. Your beloved. I will grant her Immortality. And you will watch her for an eternity. You will watch her flourish. You will watch her love. You will watch her heal. You will never touch her again. Never feel her in your arms. You threw your heart away child, tried to destroy it with your selfish actions. Now you will suffer for the pain you have caused. The Elvhen Empire will grow to glory once again, but you my son will be cast out. This is what your Pride has wrought. Tell me little wolf, was this worth all you have lost?”  
“Death would be kinder.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does daddy have planned? *evil grin

Elissah Levellan had felt a pain so deep it tore through her, threatening to rip her apart. She begged to the Gods to end her suffering. She begged to feel something other than sorrow. She lay in the glen where her world had shattered, holding her knees to her chest her sobs shook her tiny frame. Her life was waning. She called out to the All Father, in a last fleeting attempt to end her pain. She buried her head in her knees and prayed for death. She jolted when she felt a hand on her back.  
“So-” she jerked around and saw a tall Elvhen man crouched to her. Not him. No never him. But he had his features. She could see the steely blue eyes and his chin, but this man was much older. The lines of time on his brow. He had a sincerity to him, in his eyes. Her heart ached for the one sharing those same eyes.  
“Wh..Who are you?” the words were meek in her tiny throat  
“Do you wish to be free of this pain da’len?” her ears twitched at the melody of his voice, she could hear her vhenan in his voice.  
“I hurt! My soul aches for him. He just left me...broken. Please end this pain. I want death.” she begged tugging on the mans arm frantically  
“Ah but I can release your pain da’len. And you can still live, forever. For eternity.” she looked at him through red rimmed eyes  
“H...How?” she sobbed  
“You must call the name of your love, bring him here. Then I can ease your pain da’len.” she shook her head furiously  
“No..no...I will surly shatter if I see him...besides he ignores my calls...he dosen’t want me...and I’m not sure what hurts more.” she curls back into herself.”  
“Da’len. Do you wish to be free of this pain?” she nods her head as she shakes with her sobs “Then call the name of you love, his true name.”  
She slowly, and very wobbly stands. She clenches her fist tight, digging her nails into her palm. With a hitch in her breath she opens her mouth and his name feels like a blade at her throat.  
“So-”  
“His True name Da’len.”  
“Fen’harel. Dreadwolf.” she clenches her eyes shut begging he not be standing there, but she can smell his scent the elfroot chokes her heart. She refuses to open her eyes. She can’t look at him. She can feel him though, her spirit seeks him out and clings to him.  
“This is cruel even for you Father.” his voice. His voice. The sound flows into her ears and she fights with tears. Slowly she opens her eyes. He is really there. Standing as proud as ever, head held high, avoiding her gaze, hands firmly clasped behind his back.  
“Solas!” she throws herself at him, clinging to his robes, clawing at his chest, trying so desperately to convince herself he isn’t really here. She can feel him shaking under touch, but he refuses to look at her. She can feel a pain tearing at her soul. “Me vhenan.” he flinches at the title, she wants to kiss him to make him look at her. She wraps her arms around him to hug him, breathing his scent in deeply. He doesn’t return her embrace only goes even more rigid and turns his face further from her. “No!” she screams “You will look at me! I deserve that at least!” she screams at his chest. He is shaking now like a leaf in a hurricane.   
“Father stop this!” he begs  
“Look at me Solas! Look at me Damn you!” he still keeps his head turned away from her, she can see tears down his cheek. “No! YOU don’t get to cry you bastard! You broke MY heart! And now you won’t even look at me!” the rage is rising in her and she wants to slap him. Slap him so hard, the ancestors will feel it. “Look at me....Dreadwolf!” he turns his head slowly his eyes closed and tears streaming down his face. “That’s it isn’t it” the realization hit her like an avalanche “That’s all you are now...You let him devour you...that’s why you don’t...care.”  
“Fenhidis Elgar’nan!” he seethes through gritted teeth  
“You can’t hide from your heart any longer Dreadwolf. She knows who you truly are.”  
“She sees what you wish her to see Father!” he rages  
She lifts her shaking hand to his face and gazes into his eyes. Cerulean blue. Not his eyes. Her Solas was gone. “You have his face and his scent, but you don’t have my Solas’ eyes. The soft stormy eyes that watched me intently. The stormy eyes that hid a thousand hurts. The stormy eyes that delved into my being and stole my heart. You killed Solas, Dreadwolf!” she watched as he flinched everytime she spoke his name, his true name. “Why?” he looked away “Why?” she pounded his chest, and he dropped his head “WHY?” she screamed.  
“Be...because this is who I am...I am the Dreadwolf. The Trickster. The Liar. I tried to save you from this pain. I tried to shield your heart vhenan!” he couldn’t look at her now.  
“You Bastard!” she screamed and he felt a hot sting on his face. She had slapped him, hard. “You could have told me! Warned me! TRUSTED ME! I gave you everything! I trusted you! I gave up my home for you! You were my home! My safe place! Did even one once of the truth cross your lips Trickster?” she was shaking with tears streaming  
“Yes vhenan!”  
“What? What tiny bit of truth crossed your lips snake!?” he cringed at her fury  
“Emma lath. Ar lath ma!”  
“Bullshit! If you did you never would have broke me the way you did! You never would have left!”  
“Ir abalas vhenan”  
“TEL ALBALAS! Sorry can’t fix this!” she drops to her knees at his feet “You abandoned me...You took my vallislin and abandoned me...my clan turned from me...the Inquisition disbanded...and I had no one...you rose me up so high on love, then kicked me off and abandoned me...sorry can’t fix that.”  
“Vhenan! Ir abalas! Truly! If nothing else you believe, please believe this..” he is holding tightly to her shoulders, having dropped to his knees. “I love you! Me vhenan. My heart! It has always been yours! Always! I am bound for all eternity to you emma lath!”  
“I don’t want that! An eternity of heartbreak! Why would you want that? Everyday waking to an empty bed, every day yearning for the one thing I can’t ever have! Does your cruelty know no bounds!?” she throws his hands off her shoulders, turning her face to the other elf in the room. “How do I make this pain end? Please tell me! I can’t be bound to him for eternity! I would sure die of despair.”  
“Tell him, he is free. Release him. Return his heart. Only then can you be free from this pain da’len.”  
“NO!” she hears him scream “Please Father! Not this! Just kill me! Don’t take my heart away from me! Please!” she had never heard him plead, or seen the panic in his wild eyes.  
“And if I chose to carry this with me, instead?”  
“Then the pain will get worse every day. Eventually you will be consumed with Despair. For I promise you da’len your heart will never have what it wants. Fen’harel sealed his fate long ago, and when he gave you his heart, he sealed yours with it. Forever separated by Fate. My son was clever in his tricks, but this trick his most ruthless. You never had the choice da’len, once he caught you scent, you were bound to him.”  
She turns to him and she can’t hide the pain of that revelation  
“Is what he speaks, what he says, is this true?” he flinches as he shakes his head  
She falls to the ground, her legs no longer able to hold her weight, her head spins, and the pain is unbearable. “Shadows. That’s all we are is shadows to you. Pawns in your game of Gods. Toys to be played with. And I fell inlove with the worst of them all! How stupid could I have ever been?”  
“No vhenan! Not you, never you! I was selfish! I should have never encouraged you!”  
“Encouraged? You PERSUED me! With your sweet words and soft promises. The passionate kisses you left burned in me. You MADE me fall inlove with you!” She stands on her wobbly legs and balls her fists, gritting her teeth she closes her eyes. “I release you Fen’harel-”  
“NO! Emma lath! Please!”  
“You are free from my heart-”   
“Ahhh! It hurts!”   
She closes her eyes as tight as she can then the words slip out like a curse  
“Ar lasa mala revas.”  
“Vhenan!”  
“Tel vhenan. Dareth sharal Fen’harel.” she feels all the pain, all the longing, all the sorrow flow out of her. She feels a warmth as her face tingles and she feels her heart healing. She smiles at the feeling washing over her. She is so consumed by this new feeling she doesn’t hear him screaming and writhing in pain. She doesn’t hear his pleas for the pain to stop, nor his pleas for her to take back his heart. Or to just kill him. She doesn’t hear Elgar’nan laughing. She only feels peace. As her heart heals, her mind is cleared of her star-crossed love. The release is taking it all back. The last ten years are pulled from her mind and she is at peace.  
“Mana Ma halani Father! Her sorrow will kill me!”  
“No my son, it will not kill you. Death would be kinder. As promised, for an eternity you are bound to her, but she is free from you. You will watch. You will yearn for something you can never have. You will feel all the pain you have caused. Your soul will ache and your heart will shatter. Just as you wished for her so shall you. Mala suledin nadas Dreadwolf.”   
She walks away from him as if she had not ever been there. Elgar’nan smiles a devious grin.  
“She can no longer feel you, no longer see you, you don’t exist to her Fen’harel. You never did.”  
“Vengeance Father! That is all this is! You are no wiser than when I locked you away. You are still the same child throwing a tantrum!”  
“My child, it is you who have been throwing tantrums. Now you will watch what your Pride was wrought. She WILL find love Dreadwolf. And she will never remember the love of Fen’harel.”  
He curled into himself as the memories of this place crashed into him like waves on the shore. He felt every painful word she heard. He riled at the agony she felt when he left her there alone and full of questions. He relived every painful memory she had lived with. And he begged for death.   
Death would be kinder.


End file.
